Guest blog by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Life & Wellness Coach There are seasons when everything feels a little harder and takes more effort. You may not be doom-scrolling the news or navigating a major life situation, yet your nervous system feels “off.” Something you can’t put your finger on. Maybe there’s something you need to address, but you can’t find the energy. And you’re not even sure where to start. One helpful strategy is noticing when you’re seeking comfort. If you’ve had weight loss surgery, you might notice your struggles show up as: Feeling tired, less active, or more reactive Having constant food thoughts Doing more grazing, comfort eating, or stress eating You may find yourself standing in front of the refrigerator at night with an “I deserve this” attitude—shaming yourself while also failing to “behave.” You may panic and push yourself to get stricter, try harder, be stronger. But what if this season, this renewing, transitional time, is calling for something different? Each Flower Is Unique: Why Your Journey Won’t Look Like Anyone Else’s Think of yourself as a spring flower ready to bloom. Even in the same garden, no two flowers are the same. Each one responds differently to temperature, water, and stress. Humans do, too. After bariatric surgery, it’s tempting to believe there is one correct way to grow. One perfect plan. One ideal outcome. But you’re not a template. You are a living being with a history.You‘ve experienced: Trauma Mistakes Physical problems Stressful relationships Sensitivity Rejection Disappointment And you’ve survived. Still, you want to be like everyone else who doesn't seem to struggle the way you do. Not All Soil Is Ideal: How Your Environment Shapes Your Eating Patterns Sometimes the soil is rich and hospitable. Sometimes it’s dry. Sometimes it’s compacted. Sometimes the rain doesn’t come. Sometimes the rain comes all at once. Right now, many people are living in conditions that feel unsettled. Even if we don’t name the source, our bodies register it. When the environment feels unstable, our nervous systems do what they’re designed to do: seek regulation. Sometimes that means emotional eating or comfort eating. If that’s something you do, you are not flawed or weak. You’re in need of comfort. The real question isn’t: What’s wrong with me? The question is: What kind of tending do I need in this particular season of growth? You Probably Don’t Yell at Flowers: Why Shame Doesn’t Help If a plant isn’t thriving, you don’t stand over it and shout, “Try harder!” You look for what it needs to thrive. Does it need: More or less water? More light or more shade? Better nutrients? Protection from the wind? Pruning? A stake in the soil to help it stay upright? You adjust the conditions, not the worth of the flower. The Self-Care Cycle™: A Framework for Growth After Weight Loss Surgery To support yourself through this season, practice: Self-awareness—Pause and reflect with curiosity. Self-compassion—Refuse to shame and blame the flower (you). Self-care—Experiment, adjust conditions, and observe what happens without judgment. This is the cycle. Not force. Not punishment. Not tightening every rule. Just noticing and experimenting to find what works for you. Droughts Grow Deeper Roots: Why Slow Seasons Still Matter In dry seasons, plants don’t bloom wildly. They grow deeper roots. From the outside, it can look like nothing is happening. But underground, strength and support are developing. If this is not your best “blooming” season, it doesn’t mean you’re regressing. You are surviving the natural extremes while rooting underground. You may be: Developing better self-awareness. Becoming more resilient. Growing your ability to be kind and nurturing toward yourself. Focusing on the kind of self-care that will serve you best. The flower isn’t perfect, but it is rooting deeply and developing resilience. Adjust the Tending, Not Your Worth: A Kinder Approach to Emotional Eating When emotional eating shows up, try asking: Am I underfueled (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually)? Am I overwhelmed? Am I lonely? Do I need comfort other than food? And yes, sometimes you may still choose the cookie. But you can choose it intentionally, without shame, and actually savor it. That alone changes the soil. Grow Anyway: You Don’t Need Perfect Conditions to Thrive Flowers bloom in sidewalk cracks. They bloom in rocky soil. They bloom after a late frost. They bloom because blooming is what living things do, not because conditions are perfect. If this season feels cloudy, rainy, or too dry, you don’t need more discipline. You may simply need more intentional tending. Remember, if you’re a daisy, your job isn’t to become a rose. Your job is to tend to yourself in a way that provides comfort and support for the unique and precious flower you are.