By Katie Jay, MSW; Certified Life & Wellness Coach We all know the feeling of wishing we could change. You want to be at a healthier weight, move more easily, feel confident, and live a more fulfilling life. You picture how much happier you’d be “if only” you could… But here’s the truth: Change doesn’t happen just because you want it. Real change happens when you stretch—and stretching, by definition, is uncomfortable. What’s Really Hiding in Your Comfort Zone Most people have a “spot” where they cope with stress through food—the sweet, salty, or crunchy snacks that provide comfort when life feels overwhelming. This comfort zone feels safe because it’s predictable and soothing. But it’s more than just a habit. For many, food has been a coping mechanism for years. No wonder it feels threatening to change your relationship with it. And it’s not only about food. The people around you may resist the “new you” as well. Relationships can get complicated when you change, and that can be just as intimidating as shifting your eating patterns. Wanting Change vs. Being Willing to Change One of the hardest truths is this: Wanting change is not the same as being willing to change. It’s easy to love the idea of transformation—the “after” photo, the compliments, the sense of freedom. But willingness shows up in a different way: in how much discomfort you’re willing to face along the way. For a muscle to get stronger, it must be stretched—a process that causes small tears and soreness. That discomfort isn’t a signal to stop; it’s proof that growth is happening. Change works the same way. Stretching as the Engine of Change Making foundational changes after bariatric surgery—or in any area of life—requires stretching: For health: Try new routines, new foods, or saying no when it’s tempting to give in. For movement: Act even when you’re unmotivated. For relationships: Have the difficult conversations and set boundaries. Growth lives in the stretch. When you act despite discomfort, you grow stronger, and your motivation grows, too. Running Toward the Pain When I got sober more than 40 years ago, my mentor taught me to embrace discomfort with sayings like: “The only way out is through.” “Fall in love with your reality.” “Run toward the pain.” My mantra became: “When I’m uncomfortable, I’m growing.” Years later, I carried this same philosophy into my gastric bypass journey. I learned to view discomfort not as something to fear, but as a compass pointing me in the right direction. Why Discomfort Is the Key to Growth Discomfort is not the enemy. It’s a sign you’re moving in the right direction: Discomfort means change is happening. Awkwardness is proof you’re breaking patterns. Discomfort builds resilience. Each time you survive unease, you expand your capacity for challenges. Discomfort aligns with your values. If you’re willing to feel uneasy, it’s usually because what you’re pursuing matters deeply. Foundational change isn’t about eliminating discomfort. It’s about increasing your tolerance for it. More Than Food or Exercise Tolerating discomfort doesn’t just mean saying no to dessert or pushing through a workout. It can also mean: Sitting with the ache of releasing food as your comforter. Facing the fear of who you’ll be without old coping mechanisms. Stretching into new conversations and boundaries with others. That’s the kind of discomfort where real transformation happens. Practical Ways to Stretch Yourself So, how do you tolerate discomfort long enough for real change to take root? Try these strategies: Celebrate small wins. Each step forward is evidence of growth. Anchor in your “why.” Remind yourself why you started whenever it gets tough. Build supportive connections. Surround yourself with people who encourage change. Allow recovery. Rest and self-compassion aren’t weaknesses—they prepare you for the next stretch. Shrink the step. Break overwhelming actions into smaller, manageable pieces. Think of change as a rhythm: stretch, recover, stretch again. Overcoming the Pull of Your Comfort Zone Growth isn’t linear. The comfort zone will call you back with familiar thoughts: “This is too hard.” “You don’t have time.” “You’ll fail anyway.” “You’ve already blown it.” Sometimes these doubts come from others—a spouse, friend, or family member who feels unsettled by your changes. But here’s the paradox: Staying the same keeps everyone else comfortable, while you stay stuck. Choosing discomfort is choosing to honor your growth, even if it unsettles others. Ways to Practice Tolerating Discomfort Name it. Say: This is discomfort. This is what growth feels like. Stay with it. Pause instead of immediately escaping. Shrink the step. Break overwhelming actions into smaller ones. Pair discomfort with compassion. Acknowledge: Of course, this feels awkward. But I can handle this. Remember the bigger story. You’re stretching to build the life you’ve longed for. The Bottom Line: Do You Want Change or the Idea of It? Ask yourself: Do I want change, or do I just like the idea of it? Your comfort zone may feel safe, but it’s really a cage disguised as a cozy chair. If you want lasting transformation — whether after bariatric surgery, during weight loss, or in any area of life — you must be willing to stretch. Not as punishment. Not to prove yourself. But because stretching is where growth lives.